naked in the woods

This weekend was the first weekend in about 3 months where there was no rain, no afternoon thunderstorms popping up, no humidity, and most importantly there was no bleeding from my uterus! Instead there was sunshine, perfect weather, happiness abounding, and there was sex.

Bull and I went camping yet again this weekend but this time we went with his brother in law (BIL from here on out) and BIL's three kids. Oh, and of course our two nutjob dogs.

I really adore BIL. Some how he and I managed to pick a date that would work for everyone and by the grace of God, I got the day off without a fight from anyone. I'll admit that I was probably more excited about not working than I was to be spending 48ish hours with a brood of kids, dogs, and men, but I was also quite excited about it because it would be a new experience.

The kids are 5 (boy), 8 (boy), and 11 (girl) so there's a bit of diversity and finding something to keep all 3 entertained at once took a little effort and some careful planning. I brought all sorts of crafts and goodies, but it turns out I only needed a few crafts, to let them help me prepare meals, and a deck of Uno cards. Who knew it would be that easy? Okay so there was a river and the men could take them swimming and they are also pretty great kids so it wasn't totally my doing, but all in all, they were really easy to keep happy.

While I kept the kids entertained, the men hunted for firewood, made fire, peed in the woods, drank beer, and grunted frequently. Eventually they would take the kids swimming in the river for a few hours and that would give me some severely enjoyable alone time with my ipod in the hammock that BIL brought. The evenings were left for dinner, s'mores, and drinking... glorious drinking!

Bull isn't much of a drinker anymore and he enjoys the fact that it doesn't take much beer to get him tipsy. I'm not a beer drinker. I've tried, but I just can't stomach it. If I'm going to drink, it's going to be much stronger. I thought BIL was like Bull, but when the rum came out BIL was right there with me. Bull had turned in earlier and BIL and I stayed up drinking by the fire. Some how I also managed to be a s'more assembly line for the munchkins in this state of stupidity. That's probably because I made them do the marshmallow roasting though.

Anywho, the hours slipped away and eventually it was time to stumble into the tent with my man and the dogs.

Camping sex is such a delightful oddity, isn't it? Where we go camping, there are no rules. There aren't many people, it's a primitive site with no water or electricity, you take a spot if it's available, and everyone pretty much keeps to their own group. If I were a nudist, this place would be perfect. We could have fucked each other right there by the fire on a blanket without any shelter if we so desired.

As hot and romantic as that sounds, it's just not realistic. I don't know about you, but I'm not too fond of mosquito bites in delicate areas and I'm highly allergic to them. I'm also not too fond of other bugs crawling on me. And frankly, I'm getting old and Bull is even older. The whole being down on the ground or other hard surfaces just doesn't work anymore.

But when you're camping with family, it's a whole other beast. You have to be so careful and quiet so as not to draw the attention your way and you don't want the sound of too much skin slapping. Even stifling the moans is required and that's really sucky when really you just want to belt it out like a porn star and go hog wild.

Naturally we had separate tents and placed them a good distance apart, but let's be realistic here. A tent isn't even the slightest bit sound proof and when you're camping in the summer you want it as lightweight as possible while still being able to keep the rain out. Now add me all giggly, stumbling, drunk, and now hornier than I've been in months and finally clear below the belt to do as I wished.

I'm not saying we were quiet, but I think we did pretty good considering the environment, the fact that I was significantly more drunk than Bull, and this new fact that my body is getting so much more in tune and aware that even the slightest touch sends goosebumps down my spine. I hope that it went mostly unnoticed because my God was it good. Being right on the border of happily drunk and stupidly drunk is wonderful. I completely let loose and stripped all the way down to my birthday suit. I don't usually do that when camping because of the potential for bugs being trapped in the tent, but I didn't care this time. This time I just had to feel Bull's hands all over me and feel the cool night air on my skin. I had to feel everything I could possibly feel while I was on top of Bull. I don't know how it was for him, but in my tiny little world I was a fucking rock star.

And then between the booze and the orgasmic bliss, I promptly passed right the fuck out into the craziest most restful sleep I've ever had on a camping trip.

The next day was a little different. I could have easily gone for another round or two in the morning, but Bull and I do not have the same sex drive and well... the kids were up at the crack of dawn and waiting for us to get up.

The day progressed much the same as the day before, but slightly more relaxed and while it didn't end the same way for me, it was still pretty awesome. In place of sex, BIL cooked up a kick ass steak dinner (steak, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, corn on the cob, and red wine) for the adults and I made camping food for the kids: hot dogs, mac and cheese, and corn on the cob. I don't think I'll ever be able to camp without firing steak up over an open flame ever again either. I now bring whole garlic bulbs with me and toss them into the embers to roast and caramelize to perfection. Mix that with some horseradish sauce and you have a phenomenal topping for steak. Sex one night, steak the other. Man. Life is good, isn't it?

Sunday we had to pack up and head home. The kids were in need of their own bed, the dogs wore themselves out completely by running free for 2 days, and the adults needed showers. If there was a public shower or outhouse type facility near by, I think I'd be perfectly content to camp there for an entire week. Alas, there is not, so we all parted ways and headed home.

The usual post-camping activities ensued... Bull unloaded the truck, I inspected the dogs for ticks and injuries, we greeted the cats, fed all the furballs, fired up the computer, turned Nascar on... and then there was shower time. I love camping, but I love the first shower you take when you get home. You wash the smokey campfire smell out of your greasy funky hair. You get all the dirt that clung to the sticky bug spray off your skin. You feel the heat soak into your skin and loosen your muscles back up. It's fantastic.

While I showered, Bull put stuff away and did all the camping dishes. I then laid out on the bed air drying while Bull showered then he joined me in bed and we just lounged there relaxing. Without any intentional prompting (hey I can't help it if I'm stretching my legs and he catches a glimpse of something he likes), Bull reached over started playing with my bits and like I said before, touch is very very intense to me right now so it didn't take much action before I was writhing around on the bed in total bliss. This lead to some aggressive behavior where I ended up with a nipple bitten. At the time it hurt, but it was also kind of fun so I didn't notice that it was bleeding until much later. Ultimately there was deep penetrative good sex and total orgasm-induced relaxation. I kind of forgot how good that all felt and how easily I let go of tension and aggravation after a good fucking.

I forgot because quite frankly it's been slow in that realm for us lately. Between my body misbehaving for weeks on end and things going on in our lives out of our control, our sex life took the biggest hit. Having a weekend like this with two rounds of really great fun reminded me of how important it is for us to keep this kind of thing going at a regular pace. If that means camping more frequently, then so be it!

quickly updated

So I'm sitting here making a list of everything I need to get done at work and at home before I go camping tomorrow when the doctor calls me...

I have a few nurse friends (one of them being a very close friend) so I say this with very little anger: It should be illegal for nurses to deliver test results.

As it turns out, what the nurse told me is NOT what the doctor had written in my chart. It was purely speculation based on what she's seen in the past. The doctor herself called me Thursday to discuss this once and for all. Apparently PCOS is just the likely cause but it's not the definite cause and doc isn't 100% convinced yet. My ovaries are slightly enlarged, not grossly. I have a few follicles, I'm not covered in them.

She wants to try a couple other methods, hormones, etc. before doing the bloodwork and diagnosing me for life. Long story short, there's a different course of meds on the way and we're going to try that route for a few months. If that doesn't work then she'll run further tests and probably another sonogram to check those ovaries of mine.

I can't get all excited, but I can't wallow in misery either. It's just kind of a weird non-feeling that I'm feeling. I'm kind of all over the map. Bah. I have a weekend in the woods to clear my head. Maybe a jolt of lightning-like thought will hit me.

in who's endo?

This is why I love my friends...

Conversation via yahoo with Pitt last week:

chickpea: i have a random patch of poison ivy on my back
pitt: lucky you
chickpea: at least i think it's poison ivy
pitt: yeah no fun
chickpea: it's a little itchy but not really effecting me like a mosquito bite does
chickpea: and its red and swollen
chickpea: and very very bumpy... tiny little bumps all over. and oozy.
pitt: i can show you something red and swollen
chickpea: LMAO
pitt: and can be come a little oozy
chickpea: i walked right into that one
pitt: >:)
pitt: yea you did
chickpea: color me blushing
chickpea: well played sir
pitt: thank you

I sent Andria a little gift in the mail and then had this text-versation with her at red lights today when I was running for food on my lunch break.

chickpea: Just checked the tracking... you should have your package delivered tomorrow
yeahimadork: Woo!!! I love packages. even the non-male kind!
chickpea: Well chances are a man will deliver it. That counts! UPS ground but shouldnt need a signature. If it does, sorry for the trip you'll have to make
yeahimadork: Ha, no, he'll leave it. plus the UPS guy in my hood knows I don't get home til after 5, so he comes late.
chickpea: Oh he COMES late does he?
chickpea: That was so worth slowing down and missing the green light for.
yeahimadork: Hahahaha... I missed my own innuendo. I'm slipping!!!
chickpea: inYERendo *
yeahimadork: Hahahahahahahahaha

* I can't take credit for that. It's from The Todd on Scrubs.

the results are in and the winner is...

I got my results last Friday, but it's taken almost a week to get more information. I finally got a good nurse on the phone who had awesome bedside manner (unlike the first twit) who helped explain it all to me.

The good: the endometrial biopsy was normal and my lining is good. The sonogram showed that I have quite a healthy uterus as well.

The bad: the sonogram also revealed that my ovaries are enlarged and covered in multiple follicles.

Diagnosis: I have PCOS or for those not inclined to google, PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome.

I got the nutshell version after the first conversation with the first nurse where she dropped that bomb and then proceeded to interject her opinion that I have a few years left in me to safely have a baby. Pardon me? I did not handle it well. All I could think of were all those countless stories of all the women who were told they had PCOS and children were not possible. You hear that in every other story of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" episodes on TLC and more famously, Kate of Jon & Kate also has that hence the fertility treatments that lead to her birthing a litter. Honestly, my mind probably wouldn't have gone down that road if that nurse hadn't said anything about it.

A grand old fuck you to that nurse, by the way. You know why? Because in addition to that worry above, I also found out at work and pretty much ran out the door claiming I needed my lunch break right now (well I did in my head) and barely made it to my truck before I started sobbing hysterically. This turned into a panic attack a mile from my house and I had to pull over until I could breathe and see straight again. As soon as I could function, I called my mom and spent the next hour on the phone with her until I could compose myself enough to go back to work.

The weekend proved be a gamut of emotions and thoughts and it was really rough. I took a lot of it out on Bull and on top of it all, I got my period AGAIN so my hormones went absolutely apeshit, I was depressed as hell, and then had cramps on top of it all.

I am a fighter though, and refuse to take anything lying down. Fueled by frustration and anger, I got proactive and did some research online. I hunted around and found pretty much the exact same thing on every site. I went through the checklists of the most common symptoms:

(The ones in italics are the ones I have)

•infrequent menstrual periods, no menstrual periods, and/or irregular bleeding
Ummm yeah... how often have I written about missing periods, heavy periods, or the 44 day irregular one?!
•infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating
not ovulating regularly and I know this because when I do, it's textbook. But we're not trying to have a baby right now either so I can't comment on infertility
•increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes—a condition called hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um)
Just the face really and I only started noticing this a few months ago and started wondering if I'd always been so fuzzy in certain areas. I've really had to increase the facial bleaching and I really hate it.
•ovarian cysts
duh - the sonogram showed that
•acne, oily skin, or dandruff
To be fair,this also runs in my family, but not past the age of 21 for anyone? Lucky me, the acne is more on my shoulders and chest. Oh the joy of tit zits. I cannot begin to describe how awful those are. Dandruff? Yeah but that's been years and years and I've actually got it pretty well managed at this point.
•weight gain or obesity, usually carrying extra weight around the waist (others also mention losing weight is hard like this one)
I have definitely gained weight and had a VERY hard time losing it. I thought it was because I had my gallbladder removed though and didn't think twice. Now maybe there's a valid reason for it.
•insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes *
•high cholesterol *
•high blood pressure *
* = No, all three of those above I've been tested for regularly and love to surprise my doctors when they find out I'm fucking perfect on all of those.
•male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
•patches of thickened and dark brown or black skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs
okay this one is iffy, but I've had what my mom calls "dirty neck" for a few years. I get these dark patches of thicker skin all around and on my neck. I actually covered most of one of the bigger ones with the new neck tattoo.
•skin tags, or tiny excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
Unfortunately yes, I have a few of these and one is actually really painful. Man, I'm feeling so sexy reading this list.
•pelvic pain
•anxiety or depression due to appearance and/or infertility
•sleep apnea—excessive snoring and times when breathing stops while asleep

Armed with new information, I left several messages with the doctor's office to get a more concrete diagnosis, talked to several people outside of my circle of friends, and eventually got a call back from a really great nurse. She explained why it had taken so long to get back to me, why another nurse had called me, and then she actually talked to me and let me vent my feelings. She was very reassuring and finally gave me a clue to a plan of action that doesn't involve birth control pills (more on the in a second). I just need to final okay from the doctor on Monday to proceed and then get started on new meds right away.

Contrary to my lighthearted tone, I'm not actually excited about this. This is pretty much permanent and I'm not happy about what this means for the future. I am not thrilled about being medicated again, let alone for life (possibly). It's really not the greatest news one could get.

However, it's not the end of the world and it's nice to finally have some answers. It also makes perfect sense and the logical part of my brain is happy to have a solution. I was on birth control (BC) for the better part of a decade and it would have masked everything because duh, that's one of the treatments for PCOS. I went off BC because it was starting to make me a little psycho and I just didn't feel right being on them. Sure enough, a few months later all the symptoms show up and make things crazy. Now I know why. Having a reason instead of constantly worrying is actually a relief. Knowing that there is actually something I can do about it a relief as well.

So yeah... it was kind of a big hit to me and I spent almost two weeks in a state of (possibly unnecessary) aggravation and panic. I'm determined to get through this though and keep a positive attitude. I'm trying to realize that I am lucky it's only PCOS and that I'm lucky that science has come such a long way that it may be as simple as taking a few pills. It won't be easy, but I'm hellbent on keeping my attitude up and I'm even more determined to make the best out of a cruddy situation.

do I dazzle you?

My theory proved to be pretty accurate. The biopsy agony was overshadowed by wonderful birthday gifts.

Mama (and stepdad) Pea gave me a Garmin (which proved to be invaluable when Bull and I used it over the weekend to get to his family reunion waaaaaaay down south), a gift certificate for an hour long massage, a cupcake cookbook, and a pretty snowflake bracelet (because I heart snowflakes). Papa Pea and Grandma Pea sent me a hefty checks which were very much appreciated. Sibling even took me out last night to a nice dinner and then got me two angel fish which God willing will live to see the next week. Oh and of course there were the birthday texts, tweets, and facebook comments from everyone were also well received and highly appreciated. All great right? Right!

But nothing quite tops the absolutely gorgeous set of earrings that Bull got me. Yeah, you read that right. The man bought me jewelry and I could not be happier.

They were not exactly a surprise though.

A few weekends ago my parents took the two of us out and about. One of my favorite birthday traditions with Mama Pea is to go to the Gem and Jewelry Show since it always falls a few weeks before. Usually this is just between the two of us, but this time it included men.

The Friday before, my mom kept bugging me about what to do over the weekend. I, being completely oblivious and assuming the gem show was the following weekend, told her that we had no plans and work had been kicking my ass so I was beat. She persisted and I told her we'd do whatever she wanted. Saturday morning Bull shows up and within a few minutes of that, my mom starts texting me and before long reveals that we are going to a museum but first we're going to the gem show. I am utterly convinced at this point that Bull and Mama Pea are in on this together and when I ask Bull he says "that's not the kind of birthday gift I'd get you so no, we're not in on it." Needless to say, I was crushed. I kept my spirits up though because bare minimum, I'd find a few things I'd been looking for anyway.

So we wandered the show rather quickly and at one point during our perusing, I came across a particular booth where everything just sparkled and called my name. Everything was delicate and feminine. Nothing gaudy and nothing too showy. Everything just had this simplistic yet elegant charm to it and from what I briefly saw, everything was priced really really well. I saw the pair that left me drooling and then sighed to my mom and walked away.

After walking a bit further I had to use the bathroom rather urgently. Of course I lost my parents and when I finally found them, my mom had this look about her that I couldn't quite read. She told me she wanted to go back and look at a booth and to move my ass so I obeyed. Sure enough, it was the booth I'd previously fallen in love with.

I knew something was up, but I honestly thought it was a joke because the next thing I know, my my says "okay, so which ones do you like?" so I said "well the ruby ones with the little pearls. You know I love rubies." She then turned her head and said "tell him." Tell who? I'm thinking. I start laughing, turn my head toward Bull, point and say "Umm okay, yeah... [Bull], darling, these are the earrings I want" and continued to laugh because he had said he'd never buy me that kind of thing just a few hours earlier in the day. This man does not change his mind.

And then he said "okay" and I stopped laughing.

I said "are you serious? are you for real??? SWEETIE! REALLY???!?!" *cue ridiculously girlie behavior* There was a combination of squealing, delight, and tears. Yes, I cried. Right there in front of a small crowd. Bull smiled and I just could not stop kissing him and thanking him. I was surely embarrassing him with all the gushing, but I couldn't help myself. I was floored. I was blown away.

And here they are. Notice the bag they came in? Oh yes. Very yes.


The money shot:


Delicious, no? Faceted rubies amid a dangling sea of fresh water pearls strung together with 14k gold. That even sounds lovely.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of gift I have always wanted. Bull doesn't quite understand why these mean more to me than a power drill or a blender or the other items I needed because this is a wanted gift. Need versus want is as basic as male versus female. Logic versus emotion. Bull versus Pea.

I'm not sure he'll ever understand it and I'll do my best to explain, but his head might get in the way. Simply put, gifts are NOT about the price tag. They are about the sentiment and the joy the gift brings to the person receiving it. In this case, jewelry is very special to me. I'm not talking the cheap metal stuff that changes with the acid alkaline levels in my skin. That's just accessory jewelry. It's replaceable. No, I'm talking about the real deal. The pieces you hold onto for the rest of your life. The pieces you cherish so much you almost don't want to wear them. These are the ones you save for special occasions so that you really sparkle. It's the kind of thing that you either pass down or have it passed down to you.

I've inherited quite a little collection since my grandmother died 2 years ago and each piece holds a special memory of my grandma. Now I have my own special piece that's just for me. Something that I haven't seen replicated everywhere. The earrings actually go really well with a very unique pearl ring I also inherited and that makes them even more special to me. I can incorporate something old with something new and maintain the uniqueness of both.

All I can say is that there is not a more perfect gift on this planet that Bull could have given me. If that doesn't show how much these mean to me then nothing will.